Confused

It has been almost four years since the day you told me that we are officially together but never to tell anyone even our closest friends because we need time to tell them. I had been so happy and carefully looking at the days and time just to be with you. I did an extra mile just to take care of you and to see you often. I had been cared by you. I had been loved. I had been a girl being loved.

I felt like a teenager living the life being young and in love. Reality strikes when our friends kept on asking me over and over again about us. You know I lied for you. I did what I had to do because I noticed that no matter how close I am to you it just feels to far. One friend said that "he doesn't love you because if he has he should be proud of you". An arrow hits me straight through the veins with pain and misery but still I managed to smile. I have to always think of the feeling you told before. You were so happy with me and we were.

Then, other friends said that how long will you wait for something being uncertain that can never be yours? They said that it has never been good for the girl to be a martyr. I have to open and meet other men in that way I will be able to construct life. How sad is sad when you know your friends didn't even notice your feelings towards me. I have to beg my heart to be patient because of the silence I chose.

Looking at what we are right now, you we're never proud of me at all. I had to beg you in silence. I am confused of what to do and what I should do.