love-hate-friendship-story/poems: Confused

love-hate-friendship-story/poems: Confused: It has been almost four years since the day you told me that we are officially together but never to tell anyone even our closest friends be...

Confused

It has been almost four years since the day you told me that we are officially together but never to tell anyone even our closest friends because we need time to tell them. I had been so happy and carefully looking at the days and time just to be with you. I did an extra mile just to take care of you and to see you often. I had been cared by you. I had been loved. I had been a girl being loved.

I felt like a teenager living the life being young and in love. Reality strikes when our friends kept on asking me over and over again about us. You know I lied for you. I did what I had to do because I noticed that no matter how close I am to you it just feels to far. One friend said that "he doesn't love you because if he has he should be proud of you". An arrow hits me straight through the veins with pain and misery but still I managed to smile. I have to always think of the feeling you told before. You were so happy with me and we were.

Then, other friends said that how long will you wait for something being uncertain that can never be yours? They said that it has never been good for the girl to be a martyr. I have to open and meet other men in that way I will be able to construct life. How sad is sad when you know your friends didn't even notice your feelings towards me. I have to beg my heart to be patient because of the silence I chose.

Looking at what we are right now, you we're never proud of me at all. I had to beg you in silence. I am confused of what to do and what I should do.

We Have Grown Apart

What makes a relationship work? Is it the presence of the one being there always or the way both of you make each time counts?

It has been dreary and full of questions tot his point. I had been secured with the relationship but he shuts his doors on me. T'was painful at first and misery covers me. I cried my heart out one day that cam into night. I wanted to burst into pain that why he can't just acknowledge me.

It hurts when you are the last priority and his friends always comes first.

He Loves Me; He Loves Me Not...

I once dreamed of a beautiful love story,

There I was wishing on the bright blue sky,

Looking at a vision of an angel,

The illusion grew in depth through the years.

The paramour came to amaze the valentine,

Destiny devours the morality of truelove,

Fate left a significant mark in the heart,

And comes the astonishing ups and downs.

First it was so sacred to spend time,

It was a great time for each momment,

Love came around and played,

The sweethearts was full of trust and galdness.

These star crossed lovers enjoyed earth,

They glanced at life with each other,

Stared at the changes between them,

Watches as they realized what was missing.

In hiding to stay away from society's controversy,

Lied to cover what might break the intimacy,

Pretends being strangers to keep one's image,

One remains unseen its grueling experience.

Efforts made to let the fire stay alive,

But was taken for granted,

Cruel as it may seem for one but,

We live to love, we love to live.

The Longest 28 Hours Story

I took a chance and flew to NY to meet a wonderful girl I was introduced to via a mutual friend on-line. We spent 13 hours together and then I went back to Iraq.


THE FEELING Around AUG/SEP07 time frame I was participating in a military exercise in Korea when I just felt something I hadn't felt before while in any relationship. Those who know me very well, know that I easily separate relationships from work and have not had a problem with walking away from a relationship that interfered with work or my progression in life. This relationship was different and it overcame me with feelings that I could not explain. It hit me like a brick that I had come across "the one", kind of like something out of the matrix. I think I took the blue pill....lol THE DISCUSSION Upon my return Jaymie and I had been discussing one of her friends engagements (Joslyn) that I believe occurred in the beginning of OCT. She was so excited about Joslyn's engagement and the ring she had received. So I asked her that if we one day were to get engaged what type of ring would she like? She said she did not know, she had never really thought about it. I of course harassed her and told her that every normal woman her age knows what type of ring they want. She must surely have some idea but she once again insisted she never really thought about it. So I then convinced her to just shop around and look to see what's out there that she would like. I asked her to search for her "dream ring" in her spare time. Over the next couple of weeks she went out and looked at rings in stores and online and would give me feedback about what she thought. Of course the whole time I was taking notes without her knowledge. :) THE CALL On 25OCT07 I get a phone call from Jaymie. She's super excited and is talking a million miles an hour about the perfect ring. She says to me, " Honey, I found the perfect ring at Anthony Roberts and you have to buy it for me now...". Before she could continue I rudely interrupted her with a very disinterested attitude and said, "I don't have time for this right now I’m on my way to a meeting." She was on FIRE, fuming mad, she just said, "FINE, I’m done looking at rings!!!" and almost hung up on me. LOL After we hung up the phone I immediately Googled "Anthony Roberts Jeweler, NY" and got a phone number. I instantly called and said to the first person that picked up, " I need to speak to the employee that just helped Jaymie Rosario look at an engagement ring". It just so happen that the lady who answered the phone was the one that had helped Jaymie. I told her who I was and that I needed all of the specifications of that ring ASAP along with pictures. Unfortunately this jeweler was a little behind the times and did not have internet or an email address so I had to wait for pictures and specifications the old fashioned way...snail mail! 7 days later I get the pictures and specifications and am impressed with the ring but I still needed to pick out a diamond of my choice. Which I researched on line and through stores in Hawaii before giving my requirements to the Jeweler. I also recognized that because this place was behind the times and I was on the other side of the Pacific Ocean that I was going to need to employ some help. THE CONSPIRER So I turn to Jaymie's oldest sister Bonnie. It just so happens that I end up talking to Bonnie about the 2nd week of NOV so I asked her if she would mind doing me a favor. She blurted out, "What you wanna marry my sister or something?". I kind of laughed and was like, “Well, actually yes." We both laughed and she was excited to be my "conspirer" in the family. To be honest she was the only one in the family that I could trust with a secret of this magnitude. So with Bonnie as my "conspirer" I continued plotting how to execute this plan without giving Jaymie any signs that it was coming. At the same time Bonnie was my main contact on the ground in NY talking to the Jeweler directly on my behalf. She was GREAT!!!! THE CONSPIRACY I discussed with Bonnie that I wanted to ask for her parents blessing before proposing and that I needed to do this without Jaymie's knowledge. Bonnie and I started plotting a timeline that was in concurrence with my vacation plans to NY to spend Christmas with Jaymie’s family. Jaymie had already put together a schedule of events for us to do while in NY. The first event was for us to re-do our very first date together that occurred 14 months earlier. Trying to keep on Jaymie’s schedule I found a fake flight that was coming into Newark on 23NOV at 11pm from Hawaii and told Jaymie I would be on it. The truth was that I was coming in at 3pm and Bonnie was going to pick me up and take me straight to the Jeweler to pick up the ring at 4pm. Bonnie had also set up a private dinner with her parents, just the 3 of them for 6pm. After dinner the plan was to go to the house and surprise Jaymie with my early arrival. DATE OF EXECUTION I take off from Hawaii for the beginning of the longest 28hrs of my life but was full of adrenaline that kept me going. It took me about 12 hours of flight time to get to Newark not including my layovers in Chicago and Raleigh. Which during one of the layovers I make the mistake of calling Bonnie not knowing that she is with Jaymie at her parents house. We both tried to play it off but Jaymie knew that we were up to something but she did not know what. Bonnie leaves the house and picks me up at the Airport and proceeds to take me to the Jeweler. Then as we are stuck in traffic Jaymie text messages me asking for my flight info. With all of my careful planning and time zone crossings I couldn’t remember what fake info I had given her before and I forgot to bring it with me. So I text messaged her that I would be in at 11pm but didn’t know my flight number. I also made the mistake of telling her that my phone battery was dying, which she knew was very uncharacteristic of me. She once again suspected something was up. Bonnie and I go pick up the ring at Anthony Roberts, which was more beautiful in person than in the pictures I had received from Bonnie. THE DINNER Bonnie and I are done with the Jeweler after about 45 minutes and ready to meet with her parents for dinner with 30 minutes to spare. Then Bonnie gets a phone call that her father isn’t feeling so well and they may have to cancel dinner. So Bonnie and I sit at a Dunkin Doughnuts drinking coffee trying to figure out how to get Jaymie out of the house so I could get some alone time with her parents. About 15 minutes into our plotting her mother calls and says they are coming to dinner. I was so relieved!!! Bonnie and I proceed to the restaurant with me carrying a box of fresh Hawaiian pineapples (her fathers favorites). A couple of minutes after sitting down her parents arrive and are extremely surprised to see me there. So Bonnie and I tell them that we are trying to surprise Jaymie by my early arrival. Which Jaymie began harassing Bonnie with text messages saying we were up to something. It actually had us paranoid at dinner because we thought she was going to show up. As we sat there I contemplated when to raise the topic. I didn’t want to spoil their dinner before hand so I didn’t say anything as we ate dinner and caught up. I felt totally relaxed with her parents but must have been nervous because I think I went to the bathroom like 4 times. When we completed dinner her father stated that they were going to go home and that they wouldn’t ruin the surprise of me coming in early and that is when I interjected and said, “Actually I’m here early because I wanted to ask for your daughters hand in marriage and would like to get both your blessings.” “I have no fancy speech to give you other than to say that she is the one I live for.” (or something like that..lol) When I looked at her mother she had tears in her eyes but her father responded with “ How much do I write you a check for?” I took the opportunity and one upped him by saying, “Actually I’d like to give you this box of pineapples for her.” He was speechless and we all burst out into laughter. After all of the laughter they gave me their blessings. Come to find out her mom was trying to get the dad to play a trick on me by saying “no” as they did with one of there other son in laws when he asked. Apparently I was too quick with the pineapple offer that he didn’t get enough time to think about it. THE ARRIVAL After dinner we had to ensure that Jaymie didn’t know we were all at dinner together. Especially since her parents dis-invited her from the dinner because Bonnie insisted they come alone. So we plotted that Jaymies parents would leave 20 minutes ahead of us and tell Jaymie that Bonnie left dinner early. We had to go over this plot like 5 times because Jaymies mom wasn’t good at keeping secrets or lying with a straight face. Bonnie and I finally get to the house and I sit in the foyer while Bonnie proceeds to call Jaymie out of her room. She is aggravated because she’s trying to get ready to pick me up. She finally comes out of her room and sees me and starts yelling “Conspirers!” She is super excited I’m there but at the same time she’s telling us that she knew we were up to something and that we couldn’t get her with surprises! I told her that she was right and that she had caught us in trying to surprise her with my early arrival. After all of the excitement I tell her, “Well lets go on our date.” THE DATE For those who don’t know our first date was when I was on R&R from Iraq. I had flown on a “whim” to NY to see Jaymie for the first time after a couple of months of emails and phone conversations. I actually only spent about 13hours on the trip because I had to hurry up and get back to NC for my flight back to Iraq. Anyways for our date I had expressed to her that I craved NY style pizza really bad and that I wanted to go to the top of the Empire State Building because I had never been to the top. Fast forwarding to the present. Jaymie and I proceed to go on our first date again. We parked in the same parking garage, ate pizza at the same pizza parlor (Monetti’s NY Pizza) and then proceeded to walk to the Empire State Building along the same route through the city as we did the first time. THE PROPOSAL We get to the Empire State Building and the employees tell us that they are closing in 15 minutes because there was no visibility. I thought to myself how do I insist we go up without making her suspicious? Before I could say anything Jaymie told the employee she didn’t care and that we were going up to the top! She played it perfectly into my hands. So we proceed to the top of the building and I ask Jaymie to take me to the first spot she took me to the last time. She did and started pointing out the different areas of the city as she did last time. We stood there making small talk, reminiscing and gazing into each others eyes. As we are embraced in one another she goes to put her hands in my coat pockets when I realized that I had put the ring in one of my coat pockets earlier. So I quickly reacted and grabbed her hands before they could reach the bottom of my pockets. As we stood there gazing into each others eyes and holding hands (in my pockets) I said, “Honey, this is where we had our first date and it is where it all started. I think it is only appropriate that we take it to the next level here as well.” At the same time I went down to one knee and said, “Jaymie Lorraine Rosario will you marry me?” She immediately put her hands to her face and started tearing up murmuring words in English, Spanish, or Spanglish. I don’t really remember which language she used. None of the words translating into a yes or no. As I remained on bended knee, for about a minute, I didn’t realize I had placed my knee on a rock that was digging into my knee cap. So I said, “Honey, my knee really hurts can you give me an answer, any answer so that I can get up?” She shook her head wildly and said, “YES, YES, YES!!!” So I then proceeded to grab her hand from the kneeling position because she still had her hands over her face. I go to put the ring on her finger and it didn’t fit so I’m thinking, “did I get the wrong size?” but then quickly realize that I had the wrong hand. So I say to Jaymie, “This isn’t the right hand is it?” With tears in her eyes and a chuckle she says, “No.” So I proceed to grab the proper hand and place the ring on her finger. PERFECT FIT! I would have to say because of her reaction that she was probably surprised. LOL I couldn’t have timed it better because soon after my proposal the Empire State Building was closing and I was freezing my ass off!!! This my friends was the longest 28 hours of my life but well worth it!!!

If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing.


You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.


Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.


If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.


If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.


But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine



by Pablo Neruda

Life Is Fine

I went down to the river,

I set down on the bank.

I tried to think but couldn't,

So I jumped in and sank.

I came up once and hollered!

I came up twice and cried!

If that water hadn't a-been so cold

I might've sunk and died.

But it was Cold in that water! It was cold!

I took the elevator

Sixteen floors above the ground.

I thought about my baby

And thought I would jump down.

I stood there and I hollered!

I stood there and I cried!

If it hadn't a-been so high

I might've jumped and died.

But it was High up there! It was high!

So since I'm still here livin',

I guess I will live on.

I could've died for love--

But for livin' I was born

Though you may hear me holler,

And you may see me cry--

I'll be dogged, sweet baby,

If you gonna see me die.

Life is fine! Fine as wine! Life is fine!

by Langston Hughes